Do You Know Your ADHD Child’s Love Language?

Do You Know Your ADHD Child’s Love Language?

According to Dr. Edward Hallowell, connection, also known as the “other Vitamin C,” is essential when raising a child with ADHD. A strong, connected relationship can endure a lifetime. Since our relationship with our children is one of the most important we’ll ever have, why not take time to deepen that bond? Understanding your child's love language is a powerful way to do this.

When parents learn to express love—our most fundamental emotional need—in a way that resonates with their children, the family’s emotional climate can thrive. Understanding your child’s love language is critical to nurturing the most foundational building block of the parent-child relationship: love.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, explains that when we understand each other's love language and express love accordingly, our “love tanks” fill up. For example, if your love language is words of encouragement, feeling acknowledged for your efforts makes you feel good. On the other hand, if that need isn’t met, you might feel irritable, frustrated, or down. Children and teens, in particular, may act out if they don’t feel their emotional needs are being met. Understanding and addressing your child’s love language can help fill their love tank and deepen your emotional connection.

Here are the five ways to express emotional love to your child or teen with ADHD:

1. Words of Encouragement

   • Say “I love you” every day.

   • Recognize effort and improvement, not just the final result. Offer praise during daily moments, at the dinner table, or during family meetings. Notice and appreciate your child’s positive actions.

2. Physical Touch

   • Hug your child every day! Simple gestures like a hug, a pat on the back, or holding their hand can convey immense love.

3. Quality Time

   • Giving your child undivided attention sends a strong message of love. This can be the hardest to achieve in our busy world, but it’s crucial. Set aside time for focused, one-on-one moments, whether through regular ‘dates’ with your child or simply doing something fun together.

4. Acts of Service

   • Acts of kindness done freely, not out of obligation; show your child what it means to care for others selflessly. Whether helping with a project or doing something special, acts of service can speak volumes.

5. Gifts

   • Thoughtful, meaningful gifts—something your child treasures or collects—reflect love. The value isn’t in the material object but in the thought and care behind it.

Discovering Your Child’s Love Language

How can you identify your child’s primary love language? Spend a week focusing on one love language at a time, and observe how your child responds. While they will benefit from all five, you’ll likely notice a shift in their behavior when you find the one that truly resonates. One parent shared that their daughter “lit up like a little glitter bug” when they discovered her primary love language!

In today’s fast-paced world, connecting with our children requires intention. Understanding your child’s love language can unlock the door to their heart and provide a lifetime’s worth of emotional Vitamin C!