Teaching and Modeling Empathy for our Kids with ADHD
Empathy: The Key to Connection
As Brené Brown beautifully expresses, empathy is “listening, holding space, without judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredible healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”
Empathy is essential for building social connections, and in the words of Dr. Ned Hallowell, connection is the “new Vitamin C.” For parents of children with ADHD, empathy is crucial for fostering heart-centered connections.
However, empathy can be a challenge. In our fast-paced world, we are not always encouraged to pause and connect with others on a deep emotional level. Empathy becomes a conscious choice—a skill we must actively cultivate. Like learning a language or mastering a sport, empathy requires practice and intention. The more we use it, the more natural it becomes.
How Can Parents Teach Empathy?
Model empathy when your child feels intense emotions, whether fear, excitement, or frustration. Acknowledge their experience: “Wow, you’re having some huge feelings right now.”
Share your own emotions during significant life moments to help your child understand the emotional spectrum. For example: “When I found out Poppy had cancer, I was shocked, then scared and really sad.”
Encourage empathy by asking reflective questions when your child is unkind: “How do you think your brother felt when his toy broke after you threw it?”
How Can Parents Increase Their Empathy?
Look for emotional cues in others—facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and the context of what they say. All of these offer valuable insight into how someone is feeling.
Be curious when someone is experiencing strong emotions. Ask thoughtful questions to understand their perspective, such as “Can you tell me more about how you're feeling?”
Eliminate distractions like phones and screens during conversations. This will help you fully engage, listen, and notice nonverbal signals.
Empathy, much like a muscle, strengthens with use. How strong is your empathy muscle? With more exercise, how could it transform your family’s connections? Could increased empathy bring your family closer together?
